I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
