I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
