Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
