Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
