its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
