They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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