Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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