hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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