watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
