Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He shit in the fireplace
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