I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
