i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
