He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
