either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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