WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
