He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
