can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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