Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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