I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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