Pappa wants mamma naked
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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