it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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