i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
