As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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