So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
