I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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