Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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