I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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