I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
