So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
