he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
