I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
