you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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