ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
