Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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