Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
