Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
