You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
