I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
