I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
