I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
