a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
