you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
