he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
