Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
