i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
