I seem to have left my pride at pride
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
