oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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