shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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