sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
