if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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